I worry about him. I'm *not* trying to link my destiny with his -- I learned that I couldn't do that when it broke us up a year and a half ago. And, well, I thought it was working. I thought we were succeeding at a less committed relationship. I was still putting too much pressure on him to give me more of his time. I'm sorry, Dave. (Oh dear. Now I have HAL 2000 speaking in my head. Not so good, although it made me smile.)
I don't know that he and I can have a relationship on his terms. But I can't stop loving him, either. I fell asleep last night longing for the way he holds (held?) me in the mornings, tenderly.
And I'm sorry I made him feel like he wasn't good in bed, since it's not true.
I guess, when it comes down to it, all I can say is "Dave, I love you, and I'm sorry." I can't promise I won't do such things again if he and I patch things up -- I'm only human.
And I hurt, so much.
And my mom and sister are coming to visit this weekend/coming week. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. I don't really want to talk to them about all this, but they'll be able to tell something is wrong.