antimony (antimony) wrote,

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why can't I focus. I haven't been able to really look at this code for over a week, and I need to be productive. I just can't deal with it. I'm jumpy, and bored, and jittery (even though I only had a half-cup of coffee so far today). And I'm afraid I'm still trying to be self-destructive. I thought I stopped trying to be a failure when I got back on track enough to graduate last spring. Am I doing this to myself? Or am I just really tired of programming. And, either way, should I really be in grad school in this field? Hmm. Maybe I'll try making new printouts of the code and working with pen and paper. Then I won't be able to check my email every thirty seconds. *twitch* I need to get my act together. I have to improve my grades or I won't be able to get funding for next year. I have to finish this coding or I won't get funding. But I can't bring myself to care enough. *sigh*

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